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Welcome to Mikes Movie Reviews!

I let this site go awhile ago, mainly because I got into a relationship with the woman I later married, but I plan to try to get back into it! I do not yet know how frequently, but it won't be with any direction. I am pretty much only going to post my reviews of movies I've seen recently that I feel it is worth saying something about. There are no rules to what I will and won't or how often.
Mar. 29th, 2005 @ 03:55 pm Closer
magicgoof:
Movie Grade: D
Release Date: 3/29/05 (DVD)
CloserSummary:
A four way love clusterfuck between Clive Owen, Natalie Portman, Jude Law and Julia Roberts. Alice (Portman) and Dan (Law) happen upon eachother one day when Alice gets hit by a car. Jumping in time often without informing the audience of the lapse, next Dan meets Anna (Roberts) who he then introduces to Larry (Owen) in a very interesting fashion. Once Larry and Anna start a relationship Dan and Anna have an affair. Leaving Alice and Larry respectivly they start a relationship. On the side Larry and Alice run into eachother. Later Anna then leaves Dan for Larry again. Alice and Dan get back together. Confused yet? All in all, each member sleeps with both of the members of the opposite sex at least once. What I didn't get was why they didn't just all have a big orgy and get it all over with.

Review:
Fuck this movie. This was one of the most boreing, idiotic movies I've seen in a long time. I started it last night with Mat and when we were both bored at about 40 minutes in we turned it off. I felt obligated to finish it so I could write a review, hoping that it would improve as the plot thickened up. Well there were good scenes, scenes that had emotion and feeling that looked like the movie might be going somewhere, but over all they would disapate and leave me wondering what happened? I read someone say that they thought Natalie Portman was amazing in this movie and hated her in Garden State whereas I feel she didn't act at all in this movie and her character was shallow and boreing. In Garden State, however, she was rich with personality and emotion.

Confusing with the way they depicted time, you think that you've got a handle on it that they just flash forward in time drastic amounts to hit key points in the affairs, but then at one point they start back flashing telling what has already happened. The actors were all dry and unemoting and gave off very weak performances with the exeception of a few scenes in which Clive Owen goes from calm and boreing to loud and angry. We do get one glimpse of happiness through this actor also when he comes home happy to his wife for the first time from a business trip - it doesn't last though and goes straight into the angry yelling.

I don't get it because with the exception of the hag Julia Roberts, who I find to be a poor actress and unattractive to boot, the actors in this movie have all given spectacular performances in other films even recently --Clive Owen in King Arthur and Sin City, Natalie Portman in Garden State and Cold Mountain, and Jude Law in Sky Captain and I Heart Huckabee's. To be fair though, I haven't seen Erin Brockovich, but I did think Roberts was horrible in Oceans Eleven.

Technical and Features:
Shitty on the special features end too, this is not a DVD I would bother buying or recommend to anyone.

Rating:
If you couldn't tell from what I wrote above, I hated this movie. I thought it was horrible and a waste of my time. With a few slightly redeming scenes I will be generous though with a D.
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From:xreverentthugx
Date:April 5th, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC)
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You KNOW how I feel about this movie! Right on Brother! Horrible, horrible HORRIBLE. And with SUCH good looking people too. Shame. Anyways, I'll start leaving more comments for ya but MOST of the movies you review here I haven't seen yet. In terms of your writing, I think you do a pretty good job for the most part. Maybe you should start using language that is a bit more exciting? I love how you interject your own, unbridled feelings like this statement,

"What I didn't get was why they didn't just all have a big orgy and get it all over with."

Anyways, I'll call you later tonight when I get out of class. Down for a movie?
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From:magicgoof
Date:April 6th, 2005 02:00 am (UTC)
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Dude... it's 7pm. Why the fuck haven't you called ass?